ME/CFS-Induced Crashes

Those of us with ME/CFS often have difficulty explaining our symptoms to others.

I frequently suffer from what I call "crashes". For me, a crash typically lasts for about four hours, and involve me lying in bed with the duvet over my head, my blindfold on, my earplugs in, the curtains shut, and the door shut, whilst either unconscious (distinct from sleeping) or in a semi-conscious stupor, barely able to speak or move.

So far, so good, you may say. But how to explain that actual feeling that I get whilst lying there? So I've devised a way of helping our loved ones experience that feeling, in five easy steps.


ME/CFS-Induced Crash Simulation Guide

Step 1


Make a cut in the left side of the body and remove the liver, lungs, stomach and intestines.


Step 2



Wash these internal organs, and pack them in natron, to dry them out. If you're out of natron, rock salt is an acceptable substitute.



Step 3



Using a long hook, smash the brain and pull it out through the nose. This can be discarded, since it will no longer be required.





Step 4



Stuff and cover the body with natron and set it aside, to dry out. Reserve all of the fluids and rags for later.


Step 5



Once thoroughly dried-out, remove all natron from the body. Wrap the dehydrated internal organs in linen, and return them to the body. Stuff the body with dry materials, such as sawdust, leaves and linen, so that it looks lifelike.

And you're done! That wasn't so bad, was it? Your loved one is now ready to experience an ME/CFS crash.


This procedure is recommended for friends, relatives, or even perfect strangers. Anyone, really, who regards you with disdain as you try to explain what it's like.

Plans are afoot to experiment on some Atos examiners, since it has been suggested that they, too, may benefit.